Pumpkins

 

The cryin waters in your eyes made me feel you. Made me feel somethin of you. The tenderness and weakness that is within you. Some things and someone that you ́re missing and that you really need, to have and live.

Why did you cry ́ Tell me the truth. I want to know. I want to know you better. To know who you really are and what goes in your mind.

You were there for a long time ́ Why ́ What took you to stay for so long ́ Set ups, bad company, drops and fireworks ́ Was it. Well, you were and you still are homeless, lonely and needy. Tell me this is not true ́

How it happened´ You were travellin. Who was there´ Awaitin you´ Was it a set up as other set ups that those that have being there have been setting up to you all along your travel journey´ Who´s him´ From where he came from´ What happen along the time that you have been with him´ What did you really do´ What was his role with you´ Was it a cover of a magasin ' The real reason he went away. Why he left you´ Why things didn´t went and work out as you intended to plan and to happen and follow´ Is this true or was there something else´ You went to Poland, you´re in Poland. A couple of days after ýou´re changin your plans and future. You´re tellin that you don´t want to settle down, that you want to travel, experience things and achieve goals. Contradictory, isn´t it´ Weeks ago you wanted to settle down, you told it on your last youtube video, today, now you´re contradictin the things you wanted and said on the same video. You´re confused, you don´t really know what you really want. You´re living as things happen. Yesterday... today... tomorrow, whatever and whoever may come on your way. You crawl and stumble, you get dirty and you´ll be if you don´t change things and do something else than it. You´re goin nowhere butt being stuck and struggling. You´ll never get somewhere and find that someone.

In your thought, would you come back ́ Are you goin to come back there, for him ́ Butt your struggles, your ideas of freedom, being imprisoned with something or with someone. Is it your struggle ́s feelings, the things that you feel in you ́ That you can´t be in one place and with someone for too long. Because you struggle and because you want to travel, adventure, to have fun here and there ́ No matter what no matter who, or something like that ́

It is good to feel the wind, the winds ways sometimes. Not every time and everywhere you might be. You may get some cold and get gripped. Get unconscious, out of your own, uncontrolled and get lost for life. Regrets that you'll never take them out and release them out of you. Lamentations, cries, angriness, screams and rage. Things that may make you feel like shit. Do you want it ́ Don ́t make everything that you feel. Don ́t make everything that may cross in your mind. Don ́t get in rabbit holes. Damm it.

Follow your path, what you want and would like to do. Step by step, do things thoughtfully. Think and rethink before you do somethin very, very wrong.

You like to travel, and travel make part of your life, of your living. As well of your work. I like what you do. I would be there, somewhere, with you, with someone else, doing the same things that you do. Love it, love you.

You ́re tellin that you ́re goin to fall on the winds ways. In whatever and whoever may come on your way ́ Is it what you ́re sayin ́ It is not good. You ́re goin to do more mistakes and this time you may commit the worst mistakes you ever done. Your way will be set and will not be your way that you want to trace and follow. Don ́t go every time and everywhere on the winds ways.

You don´t want to settle down, cause you ́re alone. If you had someone... in reality you don ́t have that someone. To have someone is one of the things that you should think about and that you´ll have to do it. Butt take your time. Don ́t be a nomade, homeless, lonely and lost soul. Love someone and be loved by someone. Let someone love you. Live life and not muddy landslides, things that aren ́t interesting, worthful but a poop in the middle of your way.

What´s in your mind´ Experience things´ Things that you never have done before ́ Tell me what ́ For sure nothing from another world. You have already had some fun with someone that is from another world. Who was the mother fucker ́ Don ́t tell me that it was me. Shit. Was I´ Good. I tell you, good if that someone was me. I would be the happiest man on earth. Earth from another world. You´ll have to live your life with someone, not alone. Alone on the winds ways. What shit is it.

You ́re tellin that you don ́t want to commit with anythin and with anyone. That you just want to... to do what you have in your mind to do.

Tattared excuses on your youtube channel. Are you tryin to cover somethin´ Is there something or someone that you ́re aimin for ́ Are you givin excuses to someone ́

I'm just writing, sayin and doin things. Butt I tell you, I'm not kidding with you.

Nothing serious.

I would be serious with you butt I know my place. It ́s not there. Why not´ It can be. Is there somethin ́ You tell me. Please be thruthful.

What da * I ́m doin here ́

Lately you have been answerin me, butt I don ́t really know the reason.

Girl you´re at the window was your latest answer.

Good company, you wrote ́

It was not me who was walking and making noise on the street.

Do you like my blogging and my pumpkins´

Note. What I wrote above is what I think. Is what I think you should do.

You are a child, a girl and a grown woman, yes, you are these ones, and you´ll do whatever you want to do in your life and for you. 

Someone, a place somewhere and a home please.

Doin it, with someone or with me it´s another story, I'd be glad for you if you did, and glad of myself.

Kisses

NGR

It shall be done, and the story should be written. 

You must do it and the story must be written by you. It's up to you and only to you if you're goin to do it or not.

Are you goin to do it´

You are beautiful. I like you. A beautiful piece of shit butt I like you.

I´m telling the truth.

My girl I like love you.

You don´t love me you love someone else.

Butt you´re *ing kidding with me. Answerin me. Hidden the thing somehow butt you´re here. With me´

What are we doin´

What da * is this thing´

You & Me Me & You

Who´s here with you on the sofa that you´re sitting´

Not me. You don´t need to tell, butt I would like to know what I don´t want and wouldn´t like to know.

Who´s the mother fucker that´s on the sofa with you´

Don´t lie.

You´re having some rough troubles in the edge of the borders. Is there anything I can do for you´

A kiss on the lip ´

O

It didn´t work out. Did it have to work´ You don´t need to work to give excuses or to hide something.

The chaos that you sometimes turn in.

It is because you spend too much time talkin live on your social media and occupied with things and people that don´t give you anythin but that are givin you a brain wash and suckin you, takin your soul from you.

Other things like being alone takes too much of your time. If you had someone by your side daily, you would give much time to you, be and do much more than you are and do.

You drop down too much time on your bed. You go to a market, to a restaurant or to a coffee shop, and then you wake up in the middle of the day and thinking what did you do yesterday all day. You´ve been sleepy and sometimes unconscious that you have other things to do in your life than to sleep out of your own bed, of dreams and out of reality.

Traveling, good, your social work, good, butt what are you missing´ Someone, love, a place, home, confort, a bed to sleep, to rest and dream, you love so much to be with me, a table to eat and drink, good and tasty food, wine and napkins, a sofa to talk, to be and to be in silence with someone, an office to work, to write a book, you love so much to read and to write, a garden to walk... 

What are you chasin and seakin´

Follow your gut to see where are you goin. Don´t follow. You are goin back to the place where you fell and where you ́re now. In a job with you. You have somethings to change and to improve in you. Your mind, thought, ideas, points of view, visions, decisions and steps to change in a certain way. As I ́ve been tryin to do with my bloggin and myself. You´re falling and getting deeper and deeper. Where are you ́ In the rabbit hole. Why ́ Not totally your fault, those there struggling you, inputting things on you, doin their roles and settin set ups to you. 

You can do and live the things that you would like to do and live, your dreams, fantasies, adventures...  goals with someone. Instead, being travellin all alone stumblin around, out of your own and dirty with all those and all the shit that may come on your way. Of course they give you some things, awards, they are doin their job with you. It´s what they want, their job and your soul.

Yes, you followed and have been followin their path not yours. Their mind, not yours.

The last time that the therapist made an experience committed a suicide, died.